Just contemplating.

Every now and then,

I do contemplate.

I sit and wonder

Go over all of it

Every little detail, aspect

Of my insignificant, yet significant

Little piece of life

A solitary being of no consequence

In this vast, vast universe

Am I actually just a grain of sand?

Or do I really possess the power to move a mountain?

Leaving my footprint etched for newer generations

To carry on the legacy of the old

Indeed, it is a strange, strange new world.

🦋🌻🌃🌅🌠

#sundaymusings #muchphilosophical #justmethinking

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Blues.

It’s been raining incessantly since afternoon. Watching a Korean romantic drama film, I fell asleep on my bed, losing myself in an entirely different world. I don’t think I remember what it is that I saw, but it made me feel calm and peaceful. At the close of the day, towards the evening, I noticed the steady drops pouring down outside my window, accompanied by quick and sudden flashes of lightning. Within a matter of half an hour or so, darkness fell and I realized it was time to get up and go about some other tasks.

I still needed to finish watching the movie. I had reached about the mid point of the story, and was unaware of the turn that the tale was going to take. It started out as a happy couple meeting each other, marrying and facing marital obligations but then it took a turn that made it much more poignant and touching. Just before I restarted with the film, I was informed that my grandma was feeling unwell and unusually low. I saw that my parents had already gone downstairs to check on her, and I followed.

Went down, and sure enough, I saw her in her usual stooped stature, unable to find her way to the bathroom and constant complaints about legs shaking and aching. My mother was helping her in doing so, but that is when I realized yet again how helpless we are as laymen, not knowing a cure for such degenerative disorders. Moreover, a symptom of the disease Parkinson’s is severe depression, something which I notice every day in dida. Yet, there is hardly anything I can do, apart from occasionally spending time with her, cheering her up in whichever way possible. I have been thinking of restarting the habit of reading out fictional books to her at night and also solving the Crossword puzzle in the newspaper by reading out the clues to her, a hobby she practiced till just before losing her vision. Whatever it is, I must find a way to justify this terrible act of the Almighty upon the life of such a good-hearted and jovial person…

I looked out.

I looked out of the window at the evening sky

The myriad shades of orange stared back at me

A painted picture in the massive expanse

Was breathtaking, almost difficult to swallow in one gulp

You had to savour it, like having your favorite sweet dish

One bite at a time..

The best part, the dusk presents it’s hues each evening

Bright and beautiful shades in the clear sky

To enthrall you and elevate your senses

To a level from where there’s no looking back…

#abeautifuldusk ❤️

Tunnel vision.

There emerged from the abyss

A shimmering light

A glow so bright that it could dispel the deepest depths of the ocean

It was indeed, a ray of hope

The glimmer of a new day, of the sky’s offering to the naked eye

But it all came and went by in a flash.

It was after all, a train tunnel…

And the moment was just a fleeting one,

For the Jakarta Express rushed into the bright light from the depths of the tube

Which offered only a deep black vision

To the gazing eye.

Afternoons.

Afternoons in Calcutta are as lazy as they can get. After having that delicious, filling, albeit often not so healthy lunch or “mid-day” meal you cannot help but feel that sense of lethargy creeping into the body. It begins with the eyelids feeling heavy, followed by successive yawns and finally, your body muscles cannot take it any more and you just want to jump into the nearest bed that you can find (obviously, home is where the heart is, but still). It’s called a ‘nap’ or ‘siesta’ to put it simply, and it makes you, or atleast should make you energized and refreshed for the rest of the evening. In this city, the afternoon siesta is a luxury for some, and a necessity for others. Whatever you may be doing, resting or shutting your eyes for atleast a few minutes in the day is an absolute necessity (atleast i feel so).

The funny thing is, we all end up behaving (and being) like quintessential cats at that certain time of the day, and adopt the habits of our feline friends either consciously or unconsciously. 😅😅

She wrote a poem.

She once wrote a poem

About the desires,

The aspirations

That occupied the recesses of her mind

When she was both conscious and unconscious

They came after her, lurking in her dreams

Telling her to chase them with all her might

For you can’t wait for tomorrow

While the present moment fleets past unseemingly..

© Devangana

24/2/18

Grandma’s birthday

My grandmom turned 84 today. Completed 83 and stepped into her 84th year of existence, to be more precise. Since the early teenage years of my life, she has been an inspiration and a guiding example for me as to how to carry on and find meaning in every new day, given that she had completely lost her vision in early 2006, following which she came to live with us at our apartment in Noida so that my mom could take care of her and her daily needs. Just after those initial years and uptil today, she has kept herself in a suitably jovial and jocund outward disposition even though she cannot see a thing sometimes. I often wonder as to how it is that she carries on with life regardless of the fact that she sees darkness looming before her when she wakes every morning. The very prospect of not seeing objects as they are before one’s very eyes scares me to no end.

All that I can say is that she is a really admirable person and an inspiration for anybody who comes across her as a lesson in human endurance and perseverance.

A poem a day

A poem a day

Makes misery go away

You can let it out

All the trapped emotions

Plaguing your very soul

Every thought and experience

Shedding it’s weight on your mind

The worst part is, you cannot change things

Acceptance is the biggest virtue.

I have learnt it the hard way…

© Devangana.