Loops

It’s all about that one never-ending loop that we’re stuck in, is it not?

Watching one of the latest series to hit Netflix- ‘Russian Doll’ has only reinforced the ideas that constantly play in my head regarding multiple realities and resurrections in our limited (or unlimited?) existence..

What if that one moment in my life is waiting to show itself when I will constantly return to the same point to re-live it, but with a different outcome every time?

What does all of this mean really? Is there a real purpose for doing what we do or is it just a mix of random moments?

The ‘mantra’ that I follow is to live the current moment to its fullest, but is that what is feasible or most appropriate?

Well, I’m hoping to find the answers to my questions on some “day”, in one “reality” or the other!

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Running.

Today I feel like a revelation happened to me.

For a couple of years now, i have just been running, making my way through the tide of societal obligations. So much so that now I feel quite breathless.

I didn’t pause, thinking that I would “miss the next bus”, and hence I never stopped to think twice about what I really felt or needed to give me some real mental peace.

Truth is, i really do think that various situations and circumstances have bombarded their weight on me. I was scared. Somehow i thought that not doing things in order for once, would upset everything for me…

But you know what? That silence, that nothingness, is exactly what I need to re-cooperate myself. I have been doing too much in too little a time.

It’s time that I told myself, Poorna, slow down. Breathe in that fresh air that your lungs have been craving for a while, and give yourself time. Time to really figure. What do I need right now? What would make me feel okay again…

#GiveMeSomeTime

Response time

It was of paramount importance

Joe considered.

The command had been placed well in time

But now it was absolutely essential

To obtain a response…

A lockdown would initiate soon, however

With the system having one of its “mood swings”

But at such a critical juncture

How could She afford this luxury?

Of acting like a fifteen year old girl

Battling Her inner conflicts and doubts

Knowing not, which way to go.

Is it really such a time in civilization, Joe wondered

When the weight of emotions that the system feels

Is heavier than those of us mere beings?

Just contemplating.

Every now and then,

I do contemplate.

I sit and wonder

Go over all of it

Every little detail, aspect

Of my insignificant, yet significant

Little piece of life

A solitary being of no consequence

In this vast, vast universe

Am I actually just a grain of sand?

Or do I really possess the power to move a mountain?

Leaving my footprint etched for newer generations

To carry on the legacy of the old

Indeed, it is a strange, strange new world.

🦋🌻🌃🌅🌠

#sundaymusings #muchphilosophical #justmethinking

Blues.

It’s been raining incessantly since afternoon. Watching a Korean romantic drama film, I fell asleep on my bed, losing myself in an entirely different world. I don’t think I remember what it is that I saw, but it made me feel calm and peaceful. At the close of the day, towards the evening, I noticed the steady drops pouring down outside my window, accompanied by quick and sudden flashes of lightning. Within a matter of half an hour or so, darkness fell and I realized it was time to get up and go about some other tasks.

I still needed to finish watching the movie. I had reached about the mid point of the story, and was unaware of the turn that the tale was going to take. It started out as a happy couple meeting each other, marrying and facing marital obligations but then it took a turn that made it much more poignant and touching. Just before I restarted with the film, I was informed that my grandma was feeling unwell and unusually low. I saw that my parents had already gone downstairs to check on her, and I followed.

Went down, and sure enough, I saw her in her usual stooped stature, unable to find her way to the bathroom and constant complaints about legs shaking and aching. My mother was helping her in doing so, but that is when I realized yet again how helpless we are as laymen, not knowing a cure for such degenerative disorders. Moreover, a symptom of the disease Parkinson’s is severe depression, something which I notice every day in dida. Yet, there is hardly anything I can do, apart from occasionally spending time with her, cheering her up in whichever way possible. I have been thinking of restarting the habit of reading out fictional books to her at night and also solving the Crossword puzzle in the newspaper by reading out the clues to her, a hobby she practiced till just before losing her vision. Whatever it is, I must find a way to justify this terrible act of the Almighty upon the life of such a good-hearted and jovial person…

I looked out.

I looked out of the window at the evening sky

The myriad shades of orange stared back at me

A painted picture in the massive expanse

Was breathtaking, almost difficult to swallow in one gulp

You had to savour it, like having your favorite sweet dish

One bite at a time..

The best part, the dusk presents it’s hues each evening

Bright and beautiful shades in the clear sky

To enthrall you and elevate your senses

To a level from where there’s no looking back…

#abeautifuldusk ❤️

Tunnel vision.

There emerged from the abyss

A shimmering light

A glow so bright that it could dispel the deepest depths of the ocean

It was indeed, a ray of hope

The glimmer of a new day, of the sky’s offering to the naked eye

But it all came and went by in a flash.

It was after all, a train tunnel…

And the moment was just a fleeting one,

For the Jakarta Express rushed into the bright light from the depths of the tube

Which offered only a deep black vision

To the gazing eye.

Afternoons.

Afternoons in Calcutta are as lazy as they can get. After having that delicious, filling, albeit often not so healthy lunch or “mid-day” meal you cannot help but feel that sense of lethargy creeping into the body. It begins with the eyelids feeling heavy, followed by successive yawns and finally, your body muscles cannot take it any more and you just want to jump into the nearest bed that you can find (obviously, home is where the heart is, but still). It’s called a ‘nap’ or ‘siesta’ to put it simply, and it makes you, or atleast should make you energized and refreshed for the rest of the evening. In this city, the afternoon siesta is a luxury for some, and a necessity for others. Whatever you may be doing, resting or shutting your eyes for atleast a few minutes in the day is an absolute necessity (atleast i feel so).

The funny thing is, we all end up behaving (and being) like quintessential cats at that certain time of the day, and adopt the habits of our feline friends either consciously or unconsciously. 😅😅

She wrote a poem.

She once wrote a poem

About the desires,

The aspirations

That occupied the recesses of her mind

When she was both conscious and unconscious

They came after her, lurking in her dreams

Telling her to chase them with all her might

For you can’t wait for tomorrow

While the present moment fleets past unseemingly..

© Devangana

24/2/18